I guess I shouldn’t complain about what I considered to be terrible service from Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum. I’ve learned that it helps if you try to look at the positives you get out of an experience, so, with that in mind…
On May 14, 2012, we contracted with Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum for what should have been a very small job. We wanted to have paving stones put in over the asphalt deck that already surrounded a very small, existing pool, plus a cage (or, screened enclosure) put up around it. We didn’t get it in writing on our contract, but we both remember the owner of the company telling us it should be done in three weeks; two weeks to secure the building permit, and one week to do the job. With gobs of gunk and leaves and decaying shingle shit falling into our little pool, it needed cleaning several times a day, and we were really thrilled to think it would be done so quickly.
Lesson #1: Always get your project completion date in writing. Thank you, Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum! This new knowledge is invaluable!
As you can see, the project area is incredibly small.
On May 22, we gave them a down payment for half of the project.
Lesson #2: Companies we have since contracted with for other projects have told us that you should never do that. You only pay a certain percentage after the job has been completed to a certain stage. Thank you again, Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum! You taught me just how gullible an asshole I was! I’ll never fall for stupid stuff like that again! Whew! Boy, you saved me from all kinds of future anguish!
Well, four weeks later, we still hadn’t heard back from them. We were desperately trying to learn patience from this, something I’m told the bible wants us to practice. I guess Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum was just doing Jesus’ work, bless their hearts. But, we finally couldn’t stand it anymore. We called them. We didn’t get a return phone call. We called them again. No return phone call. A pattern began. A call, no return, a call, no return, lather, rinse, repeat. We got angry. Then we got angrier.
Lesson #3: Yes, patience, my child. Anger gets you nowhere. Repeated phone calls get you nowhere. You must also learn tolerance for those less fortunate than yourselves. Some people are special and struggle through life with an inability to follow through on direction. We must smile, and remember that it is really much more important to allow them the needed time to watch YouTube videos than do their jobs. We must remember that they’ve been given this job at Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum because no one else would hire someone who behaves like such a c**t for such an important position as administrative assistant.
Oh! I forgot to introduce a primary character in our saga! Let’s just go ahead and call her The C**t. I mean, that’s how we referred to her for four months. The C**t fielded all phone calls to the company owner. (In fact, he never did return a single one of our calls. The C**t even hinted at the fact that he was probably avoiding us.) Then, The C**t began not returning our phone calls, either. When we did get her on the phone, she was rude, condescending, snippy and insulting in attitude.
Lesson #4: It’s good to always be reminded that you’re an idiot. I must always forget I have any intelligence or worth as a human being and remain humble, thanks to The C**t who works for Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum.
I believe it was to shut us up that we were given a start date for the pavers to be laid. We waited at home. No one showed up. We called (yeah, we went through that whole farked-up sequence again) and called and called. Finally, we were told someone would be out the next day. We waited at home. No one showed up. We called. Oh, fuck it. Let’s just call this The Pattern.
Did you know that it was possible for every staff member (except the one poor dear who had to answer the phone) to be in a meeting every hour of every working day? Neither did we! My, what busy people they were! We finally decided to expand on The Pattern. We said that we knew the “meetings” were bullshit, and we were calling every half hour until we got satisfaction.
Lesson #5: Sometimes, it does pay to be an asshole! Thanks for letting us win one, Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum!
On July 10, 2012, a crew finally came out to install our pavers. It took them two days, and they looked very nice. We were thinking that we were closing in on completion of this project.
Lesson #6: AHAHAHAHA! I really was a gullible asshole!
Now we were faced with the problem that the surface surrounding the pool was two inches higher than the bottom of our sliding glass door. The contract stated they would be raising this door before completion. What we didn’t know, was that the little trough between the pavers and the door would fill with water whenever it rained (and south Florida has lots of rain in the summer!) and flow into our house. With every rain. All the time. Night and day. We had to bail and mop and bail and mop and bail… Oh, let’s just call this Pattern #2!
The C**t and Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum didn’t seem to care much about this. We had to live with Pattern #2 for two months. Two whole fucking months.
Lesson #7: It’s OK to swear like a sailor when you’re as fucking pissed off as we were.
We finally got a crew out to put up our cage, after much procrastinating on their part because there was an area that needed a poured footer that they hadn’t considered when they bid the job. Well, fine. Send out a concrete guy and pour the damn footer! More of Pattern #1 ensued until dude came out and did this:
They had made it seem like it was some huge job, too. It took him all of an hour.
Now, we resumed Pattern #1 of calling to get the door raised and the cage done while continuing with Pattern #2 of indoor water removal. A cage crew finally came out. We were told they would be done in one day. At the end of day #1, they realized there was “something about the configuration” of our patio that wouldn’t let them install it right. Day #2 saw a crew come and tear down the cage that was already put up. They left it in our yard.
In fact, it stayed in our yard for days and days and days and… Oh, just relax. I’m not going to name another pattern. In fact, I’m not going to go into detail about how they had to destroy the top of the tiled, perimeter flower bed you see above to pour cement into the holes in the concrete blocks it was made from, since no one bothered to inspect the job site properly. In fact, I won’t go into detail about how we had to fight them to get someone out to fix the “finished” cage up to code standards.
We finally went out and moved all the pieces ourselves, since they were killing our grass and we needed to mow.
Lesson #8: It was a good thing for us to get out there and get some exercise! I mean, we’re not spring chickens anymore. We’re not even considered to be middle-aged! We’re early elderly, and if we hadn’t gone outside and moved all that crap in the hot, Florida sun, we may never have known how out of shape we were! It’s good for nearly-senior citizens to see how close to a heart attack they really are! Thank you, Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum!
BONUS!! We were now able to add a new term to the family vernacular. We all now refer to things as “all Bauer-ed up”, or if someone doesn’t show up, they “go Bauer on you”, or “pull a Bauer”. Through the magic of the internet, let’s try to make this terminology go viral, OK?
So, we resumed Pattern #1 until they finally sent someone out to put up our cage. That part was finally, finally done. Now, we just had to get someone out to raise our door so we could stop with Pattern #2, because until you’ve bailed and mopped water with the frequency that we did, you haven’t truly experienced burning, hot hatred and rage with an extreme need for vindication and revenge. Getting this project done began to consume us. It was the focus of every conversation. We lost more than a little sleep over it. We were
fucking Bauering pissed off. We’d also contracted with another company to install hurricane protection on this door, and they couldn’t do it until it was raised. We lived through one hurricane scare without the protection we’d already agreed to pay for. So, OK. I admit I might have turned them in to the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation with a complaint of fraud at around this point, too.
Our slider was finally removed. A footer was poured. We now had a huge hole in the side of our house.
We couldn’t lock our house. We lived in fear of rain. The little room the slider led into had a cabinet with all of our dry food in it. I began imagining lizards in my Cheerios. I could barely sleep at night, for fear of critters joining me in bed and zombies lurching into my house. (Hey, it’s southern Florida. We have zombies.) We had this huge hole in our house for four days. FOUR
FUCKING BAUERING DAYS. A crew came out to fix it, and we were told the footer was poured wrong and it had to be fixed to do it properly.
WRONG! This is when The C**t was informed that I’d already bookmarked the pages to the local “call for action” news teams, and if they didn’t fix it that very day, they’d be on the 6:00 news.
Funny how that motivates people.
So, it took four months to complete a job (and much of it very shabbily) that was promised to be done in three weeks. A very small job, as you can see:
Final Lesson #8: You have to be Bauering nuts to sign a contract with Bauer Construction Group, Inc. aka Premier Aluminum.