Old Married People Porn

Last night provided some obstacles to our ability to fall asleep. We were overtaken by the giggles on too many occasions.

 

Kevin had needed to get out of the bed for a moment and when he leveraged himself to sit up, I let out with a mighty “OUCH!” He had squashed my right nipple as he was pushing off.

 

K: That was your nipple? I thought it was your hand! What was it doing way over here?

 

I: It reaches, now. My boob’s a lot bigger and saggier than it used to be.

 

So began the first gigglefest.

 

He got back into the bed and I snuggled closer with thoughts of drifting off to sleep in his arms. About thirty seconds into the snuggle, I could tell the skin-to-skin proximity was going to be too much. I was beginning to sweat and knew if I didn’t fix it, I’d be heading for a hot flash. I adjusted the sheet to form a barrier between us.

 

K: We still have a lot of those disposable puppy training pads downstairs. I could, perhaps, fashion sleep aprons out of them. We could just throw them away in the morning and save on laundry.

 

Now, we’re both giggling. We spent several, giddy minutes designing this imaginary apparatus in our heads before deciding we needed to get serious about going to sleep. He had to get up early today for work. He uses a bi-pap machine to sleep, as he has horrific apnea and his snoring will rattle windows. However, there’ve been some problems with his machine, lately. There’s a new whistling from one of the hoses and the headgear won’t stay on him properly. He’s been in for new sleep studies and machine adjustments, but it hasn’t done any good so far. When the headgear slips, there’s an additional sound of “wind blowing”ย  and when he rolls onto his back, there’s the additon of expiratory sounds that escape his mouth.ย  These are exceedingly loud and could actually be considered highly amusing if they didn’t wake me up and keep me awake. Being menopausal, once I’m woken up, I can seldom get back to sleep. So, in order to be able to sleep together with the whistling, wind blowing and expiratory cheek puffing, I came up with a solution. I wrap my head in a blanket. This muffles all of the sounds that come from both the machine and my husband. He chooses this time to tell me that the blanket on my head makes me look like Mary Magdalene. He also maintains that she was married to Jesus and he snored, so that’s how that fashion look got started two thousand years ago. We now begin a discussion about using ear plugs or ear muffs in lieu of the blanket. The giggling continues.

 

We finally fall asleep, he in his Darth Vader headgear and me with my Mary Magdalene look. Sometime during the night, I feel it starting to happen. The slow, flooding of my system with extra heat and the accompanying night sweats tell me a hot flash is on its’ way. I unwrap my head to discover the cacophony in the room is deafening. I kick off the covers and lay exposed to the night air to cool myself down before the flash attains Full-Blown status. At this point, he wakes up and realizes my plight. He detaches the hose from his face mask and uses it to blow air up and down my body, like a personal fan.ย  The giggles start, again.

Yeah, we’re old and we’re sexy.

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11 responses to “Old Married People Porn

  1. As funny as this is, it’s also very sweet. Seems the two of you have something kind of special going on. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. Yeah, we do. I finally got very lucky. Thanks, Shawn.

  3. Bliss is being married to a man you can laugh with. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Bliss is being married to a man you can laugh with. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. You can say that again, Fluffy Cat.

  6. The more I think about this, the more I’m convinced it would be even weirder with a cat or two in the bed. You know how most cats are about vacuum cleaners…

  7. Kevin won’t bring his beloved vacuums to bed, and with the noise his machine makes, the critters refuse to come near our room.

  8. At least you two have a system.

  9. That’s just plain hilarious. Perhaps earplugs would be a tidier solution than the head-wrapping thing.

  10. I’m thinking along those lines for summer. I just started the head-wrapping thing about a week ago out of desperation.

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