I Hate My Boobs

I hate my boobs.  I only resented them before I gained weight, but now I actually hate them.

 

This is kind of like how people with curly hair envy people with straight hair, or like a guy married to a fashion model wishes he was married to the Olympic gymnast next door.  The grass is always greener, you know?

 

I’ve spent my whole life as a little woman.  Short in stature with small feet; I never weighed much and was the owner of very tiny boobs.  I’ll admit it.  I suffered from Boob Envy.  Women with cleavage just pissed me off.  I could never understand why anyone would want to get a breast reduction.  Pass some over here, sister!  I’ll take some off of your hands!

 

My breast feeding days were glorious.  I remember giving my babies a bottle for the feeding prior to leaving on the rare occasions I would go out.  I just wanted those puppies to fill up and be stunning.  They didn’t let me down.  What I didn’t realize about those days was that I would go home, feed the baby and they would relax to their righteous size again.  I didn’t have to carry a couple of watermelons around for longer than I wanted to.

 

So, I finally quit smoking last year.  I packed on the expected pounds to go along with the quitting.  I was fine with it.  I knew it would only be temporary until I was back in control of myself again.  What I didn’t expect was how my boobs would grow.  They grew and grew and grew.  It was like Jack and the Boobstalk.  Nothing could stop them.  I’ve outgrown three bra sizes in this past year. 

 

At first, I was tickled silly.  Who would have thought that the extra weight would go there?  Then some weight went into my ass.  Then more went into my boobs and some went into my belly.  Then my boobs got bigger again right before my thighs took a hit.  Then it was back to the boobs.  It seems that my boobs got every other weight gain.

 

Now, I despise bras more than I ever did previously.  But, I must wear one if I’m in public, because I have these nipply things that are much more predominant than previously.  Without the bra (which cuts into me hideously), my boobs hang low.  They greatly contribute to my hot flashes by lying against the bare skin of my abdomen and thus generating more heat.  It hurts when they bounce due to my non-bra wearing ways.  They get in the way when I want to cross my arms.  My back is starting to hurt.  Blouses don’t fit right.  Yes, I’m now whining that my boobs are too big.

 

They have become my major incentive to lose weight.  I will gladly get rid of these behemoths and am looking forward to the resumption of my tiny titties.  Thus, I declare my intentions here, to all who care to listen, that the big boobs must go.  With New Year’s just almost here, I can wait no longer.  I will raise my glass of SlimFast in a toast and declare that with God as my witness, I will never complain about an A cup again!

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30 responses to “I Hate My Boobs

  1. You’re the goldilocks of boobies. Breast wishes!

  2. But I only have 2 bares.

  3. OK, that’s funny as hell.

    I was practically concave ’til I hit 25 and went from a size 2 to a 5, then a 6, and finally settled on an 8, boobs growing accordingly. I kind of like them, although I now have to smash them flat when I run. Most really cool bras are available in B, and I have too extensive a collection by now to hope for a size change. I’ll stay happy as long as everything keeps facing front like it should…

  4. This was/is funny. I know of where you come! I’m now a whole lot bigger than my normal 36C. I still hate bras but if I step out of the house, I have to put one on. And if anyone is coming over, I have to put one on. However, if I forget to put one on when I go out in public, it’s not as bad because I happen to live in an area where about 60% of the women STILL go braless (a leftover from the 60’s, along with beads, and interesting names like Safron and Storm, and incense and all those wonderful things!). But if that happens, I end up keeping my arms in front of me and restricting my movements!

  5. tigereye ~ I was concave a few years ago after a stress induced enormous weight loss. I remember looking at myself sideways in a mirror and getting the hysterical giggles. I don’t remember what it was like to have a cool bra. Mine are just freaking functional.

    Corina ~ My biggest worry is when my son shows up. At 24, he shouldn’t be seeing his mama’s ta-tas flipping around. Him and my 14 year old grandson, too.

  6. Make a trip to the Bali shop and get fitted. They make some pretty and functional bras that will carry you (pun intended) through, until you lose the weight. There also comfortable and won’t cut into your shoulders.

    At 14 I got a visit from the titty fairy and woke up a 34DD, so I know where you’re coming from. Yes, they’ve grown larger with the weight gain. Maybe I’ll follow your lead and work on my own reduction this year. 😉

  7. Should have read, “They’re also comfortable”

    My brain isn’t working properly tonight.

  8. Shawn ~ I’m so far out in BFE that I’ve never even HEARD of a Bali shop. I’d probably have to drive 3 hours to get to one. Then I’d have a bra that fits and wouldn’t have as much inspiration to lose weight. (I really loved the titty fairy!)

    Your brain wasn’t working last night and mine isn’t working yet this morning. I didn’t even notice your grammatical faux pas.

  9. I don’t understand how you can hate your boobs. I’ve seen them in photographs. They are boob-i-licious. You should be proud. When I gain weight, it goes directly to my stomach. That’s a really sexy place for fat to go.

  10. Pan ~ You have to remember that you were seeing them before they achieved their full potential. They are monstrous, now. They must be stopped before they conquer Cleveland.

  11. One of the wonderful things about being a stick figure is that I don’t have boobs and I don’t gain weight. Although I am fond of your current icon, perhaps representing yourself as a black and white line drawing might help with this issue.

  12. My current icon doesn’t show my boobs, therefore I am helpless.

  13. I’m with Pandemonic on where fat goes. Fat rolls trump bothersome boobs every time!

  14. I’m not saying I don’t have fat rolls, too. If I gain another ounce, they may trump the titties. In the meantime, I’m just disgusting.

  15. I’m willing to believe that the having of big boobs is uncomfortable.

    But I’m not willing to agree with all these problems with fat here and there. As an exceptionally bony being, I will make the following statement which I want you to either accept as fact due to my great authority or think it through for yourself and agree with me:

    There has to be padding somewhere or things just go crunch.

  16. I know what you mean, Ina. I always cover up when my son is around but I’m fairly safe on that one. He lives two hours away and never “pops” in unexpectedly. We don’t usually have anyone else over, so I’m usually safe. But I do understand.

  17. We seem to have the same problem. I don’t know about you, but I want my Mardi Gras boobs back.

  18. Bobby ~ I’ll agree with you on that point. Not too many years ago, I was in a stressful situation and wasn’t fat to begin with. I ended up losing 30 lbs. in a very short period of time. I was painfully thin. A thin guy asked me out and I couldn’t do it. All I could imagine was having sex with him and looking like 2 x-rays getting it on.

    Corina ~ I have to go to my grandson’s birthday party tonight, and I think I’m putting a t-shirt on under my hoodie rather than deal with the bra. It’s so much more comfortable.

    Wanda ~ Yeah. The Mardi Gras boobs. How I miss them!

  19. “There has to be padding somewhere or things just go crunch.”

    BGG, I love you!!

  20. I hear ya. During that PMS spell, I frequently squeal in rage at the things bumping into the inside of my arms. IN. MY. WAY.

  21. Yeah, but you’re NATURALLY rackalicious. I’m just that way from fat. Oh, yeah. That means mine can go away. Gotcha.

  22. I cannot hate boobs.

  23. I’ll hate mine enough for both of us, bigcocky.

  24. I can vouch for him. I think the term he usually prefers to use is “endlessly fascinating.” Boobs, that is.

  25. He’d never get anything done if he were a woman.

  26. I’ve read this elsewhere but it’s fun to read through a whole new comment thread based on the same thing.

    I still don’t know what size bra I wear. I’ve looked at the ones I have but they’re all old and the labels have faded to blank. (I don’t mean illegible, I mean a uniform off-white.) Again, I’ll have to go by how they look if I decide I need new ones….

  27. thirdculturemom has it exactly right: well worn bras become well worn because they are comfy and comfy boobs are sexy boobs.

  28. TCM ~ The only reason I know what size I wear is because I’ve outgrown so many of them this year. When you have to buy new ones three times in one year, you learn it’s easier to look at the tags than try on ten different sizes in hopes of landing on yours.

    BGG ~ My boobs will be very comfy and sexy in about 6 months, hopefully. That’s when the bras go bye-bye unless I have to go to work.

  29. “- I am really thankful to this topic because it really gives up to date information :..

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