Shedding Sheldon

The first line of the blog post read, “I was flying in to Cape Corral Fla. on southwest” and I was forced to swallow the bile that immediately rose.  Admittedly, the rest of the story was entertaining, but I had too much difficulty getting past that first line to enjoy it.  You see, I’m a grammar Nazi.  A spelling Nazi.  A detail in the written word Nazi.  Had the line read, “I was flying in to Fort Myers, FL on Southwest”, I could have enjoyed it more.  I happen to know that Southwest likes their name capitalized, that Cape Coral doesn’t have an airport, and I know how that particular city spells its name.  I’m my own worst enemy.

I have a group of friends online that are the same.  We skip through the interwebs and get together in little groups to point our collective cyber fingers at the grammatical miscreants and laugh at them privately.

But, I realize I need to change my ways.  I have friends who tell me they’re afraid to comment on anything I post because they fear I’ll point out their errors; if not to them, then to my other grammatically high-brow friends.  It’s gotten to the point that I actually annoy myself.  I won’t go into a store with a misspelled word on their marquee or in their windows.  Cutsie spellings just piss me off, and I won’t ever buy ice cream at Kustard Korner, even though I crave their root beer floats more than breath.

Yes, Sheldon. I, too, am a loser.

I realize that I have become Sheldon Cooper; I’m annoying, and not in a cute way.  I feel superior and refuse to take into consideration the fact that I can’t shoot a hoop, work a mathematical equation or rebuild an engine.  My grammatical skills have made me a snob.

So, from here on out, I’m going to try to amend my ways.  Tpyos are just something taht happen.  Kyootsie spellings will be overlooked and I’ll learn to think of them as kewl.  txt spk wl b 4gvn  No, I’m sorry.  I just can’t go there.  Pour grammar n speling will be… Oh, hell.  Who am I kidding?  Certainly not me, and probably not ewe.

Did I mention that the book I’m currently reading is set in 1977 and they drink bottled water and play Pac Man at the arcade?  Do you have any idea about just how much this pisses me off?

It’s baby steps, Bob.  Baby steps.

*Image of Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper courtesy of Google

12 responses to “Shedding Sheldon

  1. I have to share this with my friend Colleen. Hopefully you’ll meet her in December.

  2. Grammar isn’t my strong point. I know you love me but I also wonder if there isn’t a secret society filled with Wurdzy comment haters and eye rollers. (Like my new alias..gotta change things up here and there so the crazy ex doesn’t find and stalk me in the free range areas of the WWW)

  3. Ina, I am, as you know, in your club. And I will not cave, nor compromise, on this issue. “Correct” means correct, and “wrong” means wrong, godammit! I shall not capitulate!

    • I *can’t* capitulate. I’ve tried to overlook some things, but it’s just not in my genetic make-up. I guess I’ll just keep alienating people, and that’s OK. I get to point and laugh at them behind their backs that way.

  4. Holy scnikies ( I do not know if that is spelled correctly ). I finally can get to you blog and comment. I feel your dilemma especially since I do most of my online stuff on my phone. I am also near blind and thanks to the minutia of the keyboard , stupid apps that won’t let me format, and the tyranny of spellcheck…..I feel like a grammatical droglodyte. Hopefully, I spell THAT correctly. All that said, I can get my grammar panties in a hypocritical bunch easily. Is there no cure?

    • Fortunately, there’s no cure. And you’ve stated the exact reasons I’m pretty sure I don’t want an iPhone. I’d die of humiliation if one of my texts ended up on damnyouautocorrect.com.

  5. I feel your pain even if there are times I struggle with proper grammar and spelling.

    • There’s a difference between someone who struggles with it and is aware, and someone who just doesn’t care enough to check facts and/or is too lazy to use spellcheck. Text speak will always kill me. I just can’t make myself do it.

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